An Evening with the Stars

“I choose to make the rest of my life the best of my life.” – Louise L. Hay

I found this quote floating around cyberspace a few weeks back.  It seemed so profound and so simple all at the same time.  Like, really?  That’s all I have to do is just choose it?  It’s really that simple! Ya don’t say.  But, it stuck with me; I thought about it again tonight as I sat outside and saw the most brilliant set of stars I’ve seen in a good while.  

I thought about how beautiful and perfect they were.  I had just the right amount of cool air whipping against my face and it was just a lovely moment.  I began to think about how my children were so beautiful and perfect in their own ways.  Both full of awe, wonder and zest for life.   And then, I admit, cheesily, how beauty and perfection can be found in this crazy adventure.  Flawed though it may be, it’s still an amazing ride.

This week I had, what I like to call, a real “perspective changer.”  I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was an epiphany, but it was up there.  I have found myself stalling out and hanging in limbo surrounding a few things in my life.  Not that I don’t want action on these items, but they are things I’ve had to think real long and hard upon so that I could determine how I really felt.  But, after a year, I’ve decided that I’m not coming any closer to moving on these things or really living my life.  I’m just there, and I made the conclusion months ago.  What a strange feeling.  Not moving forward not moving back.  And truly, it’s been attracting a weird energy into my life.

I didn’t understand what happens to a person when they are going through a moment like this.  I’ve been of the belief that once you discover the root of something that’s bothering you, a person can just say, “Ok, I’ve felt that feeling now, so let it go.”  But, I haven’t been able to do this and it’s drowning me.  Where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m going is just not unlike any other time in my life.  So, what’s holding me back?

I want to learn a whole new way of living so that I change my response to what the universe hurls my way AND how to be true to myself without feeling like it’s selfish.  I want to be able to put up my dukes and fight for what I feel is the right trail to blaze for me.  I was reminded at a funeral recently how a friend’s mom lived her life.  It wasn’t always popular, she faced adversity at times, but I think she died knowing she did everything she could out of love of her children, family & friends.  I felt a lot of admiration for her and I hoped she was proud of her work.  In Tuesdays with Morrie, he says on his deathbed, “It’s all about love and relationships.”  He believed we get too caught up in what doesn’t matter.  I even asked a special aunt in her last days and she said the same.  She was a woman who devoted her life to the sisterhood and serving others.  I wondered what I would be thinking about in my last moments.  

A good start would be to choose to make the rest of my life the best of my life.  Scratch that.  I vow to make the rest of my life the best of my life.  I’d be an idiot not to!