My first reaction is usually anger, exasperation, and a general feeling of being encouraged to be discouraged. (And I’m just going to be honest; punching people in the face comes to mind, although I’d never really do this. I just have a vivid imagination.) This happened to me recently when someone else shared an idea that I had not really formulated with a group of people. Almost immediately, one person piped up stating how hard it is, how much work it is, how they’ve tried it and it’s “not what you think.” I wanted to ask, “How do you know what I think when you’re not even asking me what I think?”
I thought maybe I should feel sorry for them. This may have been a dream of theirs and they felt they have failed in some way. Maybe they needed more information or maybe approach it from a different angle. It might be hard to think someone they viewed as inexperienced being successful at it. But, I didn’t know their situation anymore than they knew mine, my experience or what, really, I do for a living or have exposure to. I expected them to, however, so the expectation was mine. So, I was pissed and immediately shut them out, all the while smiling pretty and nodding politely.
Later, I decided I should reflect on this reaction a bit more. I mean, why did I get so angry? I was angrier at the fact that some don’t listen to others. That some people are so stuck in their head, they are so busy pretending to listen while formulating what they are going to say after you’re done, they don’t hear anyone at all unless they are being screamed at. And even then, I’d be hard pressed to think they are really listening. Ultimately, it probably had nothing to do with me, and, I have to admit, I heard what I heard, because of the delivery, but maybe that’s not what they were trying to say. Even I was thinking about how they made me feel and on the outside pretending I was taking it in. So, was I really listening to their message?
In the end, I decided to stop carrying it with me and be encouraged by the revelation that everyone's experience is their own. Everyone has unique ideas, momentum, perspective and motivation than anyone else in the universe. Everyone’s timing with something is different than anyone else, and timing, perspective and motivation are everything. My personal journey is my own and that is a very beautiful thing!
I had the visual of “throwing Mama from the train.” At the time, I visualized throwing this person from it. Maybe that is what we have to figuratively do with people at times, but I also considered that I should throw my reaction from the train as well. I mean, the idea will take hard work, a lot of time and I’m sure there are nuances that aren’t what I think they will be. (I’m really trying, ok!)
Life is full of frustrations, but through a little perspective change, we can eliminate some of it. I’m not going to give up just because someone said something like this. If I’m going to accomplish anything at all, I need to accept criticism and critics of all kinds. I’m going to have to have thicker skin and not indignantly think, “How DARE you!” each time someone is full of unwanted advice. Mostly, I’m going to need to take it all in stride and use it as fuel for the momentum. Maybe, even immaturely, revel in the thought of being able to say, “See, I TOLD you I knew what I was doing!”
And even if I do fail at my original idea, I’m not going to walk away completely. I’m going to do what I’ve always done - take pieces from the rubble that I think are valuable to move on and not reinvent the wheel.
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