Cutting Through the Clutter and Not Using a Sharp Tongue to do so.

I’m having one of those weeks that feels like I took one or two steps forward and then a million steps back. I find myself so very impatient to put epiphanies to work for me. Sometimes I fail to realize it all takes time and I lose patience not only with time, myself, but with other humans.

Usually when I am on my best behavior, I can be well-spoken and "talk nice." Years of classical voice training has given me the ability to project my voice, but I can control myself in the right circumstances.

But, put me in a frustrating situation where I feel like I am having to explain myself, defend myself, explain something over and over again to someone or any situation where my patience is being tested, my mouth takes over and says all those things that seem to just spill out. It's not pretty.

And it’s usually those that you love most that you lash out at the easiest, eh?

Even those who don’t know me to spew words from my mouth this way, have all witnessed just a taste of that fiery person, if only in jest or as a joke.

So, what is that reaction exactly?

After it all happens and I smooth it all over, avoid it completely, feel vindicated or we all have a good laugh (read: Me fake laughing in embarrassment), I feel rotten. I ruminate,“I shouldn’t have said that."

Recently, I had an encounter with an intuitive type who didn’t really know me. She asked me, “Do you have a sharp tongue?” (I found out later that she had pictured me with a knife in my mouth.)

I wanted to crawl under a rock. I was told to evaluate that. After thinking on it:

• I have decided that it's what I use to put people in their place when I can see they have mistaken me for a weak or weak-minded person. (Who cares, right?)
  
• It’s what I use against those I no longer have patience for. Usually, if I perceive them to not be listening immediately after asking a question. (Come on, is it not an unspoken conversational etiquette that you actually listen and participate? Otherwise, why bother?)
  
• I use it when I am at my limit and I am actually angry for stretching myself too thin. (Nothing to do with you, I'm just a bear who really wants to be sweet.)

This is when the world becomes the enemy.

I know the exact reactions my sharp tongue elicits. It can be damaging to relationships.

Even the publicly known sharp tongues on reality TV – we all laugh and feel sorry for the recipients. No one wants to be talked to that way. No one truly respects a person who goes off like that, even though they might take care to avoid eliciting those responses.

It appears very childish to those watching it, quite honestly. And that is exactly how it feels, like I am throwing a temper tantrum.

This was a good exercise. I was told to “soften my mouth to speak more like an angel.” And boy, this is a challenge.

Baby steps.