Being Clear

I struggle with being clear with people.  I end up feeling like I'm "being mean" or selfish.  Writing, it is no problem.  Saying it, is another matter all together.

Being clear in communicating with others tends to be an area, especially for women, that we are not always encouraged to do.  In relationships with friends, family and others, there is always a give and take, or compromises, or so we are told to learn. 

Why are we conditioned to feel bad when we are clear about what we want?   

Yet, if we aren't clear, it always seems that it leaves things up to interpretation.  

I have found over the years, that not being clear has led people to believe I will "get over" certain behaviors, or will eventually accept situations that, truly, I don't.  Instead of being clear, I have decided to "pick my battles" or save it for another day when maybe I can formulate a more tactful way of putting things so that I don't risk hurting feelings.  But, when I do that, I end up making it more about them and less about what it is that I want.

In the past when I haven't been clear and really listened to what I was saying to avoid being clear, I heard myself talking in circles and actually communicating what it was that I didn't want.  It was a huge disservice to myself. 

Being clear is freeing, however.  

It lets others know where your boundaries lie.  It lets them know how you are feeling and how you are reacting to something they have done or said.  It can be done from a place of peace, so that you are not igniting the situation by reacting to it.

And even as I write this, I'm second guessing a particular situation where I am trying to be clear.  Maybe I did come across as mean or sharp-tongued, I should call and make sure their feelings aren't ruffled, I'm thinking.  But, in resisting that temptation, I am finding that my feelings were probably not taken into account at all, so should I really apologize for simply calling it like I see it?  I didn't get that strong of a reaction, so perhaps calling it out was the right thing to do.

I am also a strong believer in leading by example.  I want my children to be independent, critical thinkers.  I want them to be able to clearly express themselves and get what they want out of life.  And what I don't want, is for them to witness me over and over not doing this.  Or, from the perspective of a parent, I don't want to not be clear with them, not set the right expectations and, potentially, create wedges in our relationship. 

Life is in progress here.  Is being clear easy or hard for you?