Mamavation: Perfection

 

When I was a child, I imagined that all of life’s problems would be solved by being a grown up.

I guess I imagined that all of these adults were holding me back.  They didn’t realize how miserable they were making me by not allowing me to do whatever it was that I wanted.

I never imagined that life would still feel complicated in my 30’s, I mean, my parents seemed to have it all together.  (My mother sprays coffee all over her keyboard when reading this portion, I’m sure of it. But, to an 8 year old, my parents had it going on!)

And I find myself from time to time feeling resentful of screwing up and having failures.  I’m pissed my life feels too complicated, I WAS supposed to have it all figured out by now, right?  Oh, yeh, perfection that is. 

 

 

I think I’m old enough to know nothing is going to be perfection.  One of my favorite sayings is that there’s beauty in imperfection, I need to remind myself of this more.

So, back at the beginning of the kids’ summer break, I just stopped doing the things I had newly implemented into my daily life.  Like, exercising and NOT smoking cigarettes.  All of a sudden one disappeared from my life and the other reappeared in full force.  Kinda nutty actually, I couldn’t believe how quickly it happened. I literally stopped working out and became a smoker again.  I still ate good, mind you.  (Like it mattered!)

It actually took a friend coming over and kicking me out of the house after dinner one night.  I was told that I was getting too cooped up in the house working more and having time for myself less.  I was to leave my children and go do something for myself for about an hour.  I remembered stealing chances like this for brisk walks.

And so I went with it. Going straight up that hill I worked so hard towards successfully climbing over months of walking.  I won’t deny my back really hurt and I was sore for days afterward, but it was a great reminder of what I’d been depriving myself of.  Something that has vastly improved my life. 

 

 

It was a lot like riding a bike, I just got back on and picked up where I left off.  Except for that time when I was 8 and literally forgot how to ride my bike over the winter, so I was totally petrified of getting on it again.

But, that’s for another post…

I’m back on my health journey, finally!  It’s too important.