It's Monday.
You're settling in, assessing the situation, getting a handle or ready to tackle the day.
If you work in an office setting you're furiously digging out your inbox from the weekend.
And then it begins.
Emotional Vampires (aka Time Vampires, Pigeons or Pot Stirrers) stop by, call and do whatever they can do to drag you into their drama and get out of their own work.
Sometimes, it's work-related, sometimes it's personal, sometimes it's personal but masked with their response to work and you have no idea what you are dealing with...Bottom Line.
How do you NOT spend your day putting out fires or taking on their sense of urgency when there is none?
Tip #1: Realize there is no real urgency.
Once you have that covered, the rest is down hill. This is not your emergency. You are usually being targeted because you are caring and competent. They sense you are in no real danger of your job being jeopardized because you probably have half your week planned already and they are overwhelmed.
Tip #2: Don't React, but do Act.
Detach from this situation, if even in your own mind. Don't feed the monster! Remain calm. I find not giving an emotional or sympathetic response, or a gasp at their crisis, or anything that will trap you into the emotional black hole is best.
Tip #3: Don't absorb this drama.
What I mean by this is don't internalize it. The old saying of letting it flow off your back like a duck does water is a good visual. Don't stew, don't continue to think about it. Chalk it up as weird, because IT IS weird to do this to people. I would never do this to someone on a daily basis and I can't tell you how many times I've had the 9 AM stop by, like clock-work. If I am having an issue, I am going to think on it at great length and then ask someone if we can go somewhere to talk. Not bombard their day with all my negativity, then leave. (Hence the pigeon reference above.)
Tip #4: If in a real live office, you're going to have to do some things to protect yourself from the stop-by your cube or office. If you have a door, keep it closed and the blinds drawn. Turn on your speaker phone and dial into a conference call, ANY conference call. This way you can just mouth "I can't right now." and go back to it. You have to do something physical to show you are too busy or not interested or "open." If you mistakenly get caught up in a conversation, get up and do the "walk and talk" move. Walk them to the door because you are transitioning to something else.
Tip #5: If you're an at home worker, like I am, sometimes it's worse than the "drop by," because it is so out of left field. You can't hear or see the drama coming, it just hits you on the side of the head when you pick up the phone or look at particular people's emails. You'll need to determine when you CAN answer or IF you answer. Although, you can get the "drop by," I recommend not answering the door at all if you feel yourself cringe.
Tip #6: Please revisit Tips 1-3, they are so vital. Your reaction should not mirror theirs and you should not be letting it weigh you down. It has a domino affect on the rest of your life!
Here's another good, but short, piece on Emotional Vampires, a Manifesto: How To Deal with Energy Vampires and 10 Ways to Deal with Negative or Difficult People.
I often need to revisit my previous post about Time Management Tips from a Work At Home Mom (I obviously have Monday issues) and firm my position on what I'm going to allow to occur in my life.
Have you ever or are you currently being bitten by an Time Vampire? What do you do?
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