Am I Tough Enough?

 

When it rains, it pours.

What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.

Bad news comes in streaks.

What are some other phrases that express when people are going through difficult times that just seem to keep coming?

I truly do believe that life is a journey and we have to experience it all at the fullest, so we don’t cheat ourselves.  Every experience is a learning experience, you just have to be open to the lesson.  But, I’m having a difficult time understanding when there are times where it seems like there is no end to the amount of fires that need to be put out. 

What I’m speaking of are life shattering, serious things.  Not little things like, “My car broke down and I don’t have enough money to fix it.”  I wish. I’m talking about things that work at destroying the core of those involved.

So, I have to believe there is a reason for it: Either it hasn’t been fully addressed and/or there is much, much more than meets the eye that needs to come to light.  But, the universe/God is bringing it to the forefront.  I feel that we must go right through journeys and not try to escape discomfort to go around it.  In my opinion, we can’t let things take their own course, it doesn’t work like that.  I feel we need to be an active participant in life, otherwise what is the point of having free will? 

One of the toughest things for me is to watch those I love continually go through pain and anguish.  Some people need that pain and anguish as catalyst for change.  Some people will wallow in it instead, playing the victim, perpetuating the cycle over and over.

And I keep wondering what my role needs to be here.  I’m guessing emotional wreck is not it.   I’m wondering if I have what it takes to be stay strong, be supportive and not let it consume me.  These are the days I wish superheroes were real.

How do you move forward and stay productive when the world seems to be crashing in around you?

We Give Thanks

 

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  I like that we can take one day each year (at least) to set aside time to be thankful for what/who is in our lives.  Even if it is the simple things.

Here are a few things I am thankful for this year:

• I am thankful for work.  Work that allows me to not only provide for my family, but also work that stimulates my mind, educates me, gets me charged up and drives at my passions.  I spend most of my time working for Tropical Traditions and because it is such a fun, challenging and creative job, it doesn’t drain me of my own life.  I have the ability to provide for my family and also spend time with them.  I also have the ability to fit my job into my life and I work for impeccable people.  Something I rarely could say previously.  I appreciate their values and admire the work they have done, and continue to do, to educate the public on important health issues.
• I am thankful for my children and for being a Mom.  They remind me daily that I have the ability to give & receive love.  It’s scary to think they are a blank slate when you receive them.  I want to do the best job I can, I mean, really.  I am thankful I have an open line of communication with their father so that we can continue to raise them together, instead of putting our own best interests in front of theirs.  I hope I will be a good role-model to them.

^{A traveling Thanksgiving Collage the Kids & I made this past weekend.}

• I am thankful that Glen, the Appliance Guy, came today and replaced the coil in the bottom of my oven that just happened to explode and burst into flames nearly two months ago.  It has not been easy to cook via the stop top alone and I was beginning to panic that my favorite holiday was upon me and I couldn’t bake a pie.
• I am even thankful for the things that pain me most.  Whether it is perceived negative experiences, challenges faced or situations.  I’ve learned to draw from each in their own way so that I can grow.  (Even if the lesson is just to stay away from those people or situations.)
• Lastly, I am thankful for living in Northeast Nebraska so that I can spend holidays with the people I have almost always celebrated with most.  I can share that with my kids and take comfort in mixing in all of the old traditions with a few of the new ones we create ourselves.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

The Top 10 Relationship Words That Aren't Translatable Into English

I came across this on Big Think - so interesting to ponder after watching a documentary last night about the revival of the language of the Waupenog Indians. How disconnected we can become from our culture without being a native speaker and understanding that there are untranslatable words. It's more of a description of a feeling. I'm grateful to know the language of my ancestors - though I don't view Germans as very romantic.

The Top 10 Relationship Words That Aren't Translatable Into English

An UN-Wordless Wednesday

 

I thought as a tribute to “processing” my thoughts, I would remain silent this week as I did much of last week.  But, as a writer, this is near impossible to process my feelings and thoughts without writing them. 

My dad’s family lost their matriarch last week. The funeral was this past Saturday. 

I thought my role in this death was to be one of the few that still reside in rural Nebraska where everyone grew up.  To be a resource for when people needed things like advice on where to go or if they needed a phone charger.  I had even thought part of my role was just to be supportive, because I lived closer to her and the situation.  Surely, I had been given more time to process because of my proximity.  I was able to visit often, I was “in the know.”

I wrote about Grandma’s Alzheimer’s earlier this year and had taken comfort that the woman I knew was gone. The person who remained looked like her and was never quite sure of who I was, but I thought I had grieved that already. 

But, I hadn’t.

It’s bittersweet when my dad’s family is here.  I didn’t get to grow up around many of them and enjoy their company so much.  I describe it to my aunts as “hanging out inside of a hug.”  I have always been so fascinated by the fact that we could be such a tight knit bunch, regardless of the distance and size of the group.  She had 10 kids, I have 18 first cousins on this side.

And Grandma had revealed to me that she was “ready, ready, ready!” as she put it in a high pitched, funny voice the last time I visited her.  I knew she would be leaving soon. The children had already began to have “quality of life discussions” with regard to treatment of a cancer that had recurred.

The next day I saw a rescue squad from her town.  Most of the people who use that squad lived in that nursing home.  I remember thinking, “Oh, this will be soon.”

The day after, in fact, I received the call that it was beginning to happen.  By the next night, she was gone.

I am glad she is with Grandpa, my uncles and my aunt.  (She died the same day as Heavy D, so I picture that he is there, too, as ridiculous as that sounds.)

We had a wake, we laughed, we cried, we ate potato salad and food that people had brought.  We received flowers. We wrote thank you’s, I helped people pronounce and spell German names and local streets. 

I think we all just tried to make the most of our visits and I appreciated that. 

And, as everyone was leaving to go back to their homes, or to continue on to her burial in Arkansas, I felt as though I was panicking. 

It was easier to be together.  Even if we do goofy things like sing karaoke, we are together.

Yesterday, I asked my daughter if she wanted to hang a picture from Grandma’s room in her room.  She said she did and went upstairs to find a spot.  When she came down she brought me this picture:

This was a picture my grandma had painted for me in her retirement and gave to me as a little girl.  It always reminded me of me as a kid, all of the time I spent exploring on our farm west of town.  At times, I would sit on the side of the hill in the fields just staring at the farm wondering about all of the other little girls and children who grew up there before me. 

Of all of the pictures my daughter could have decided to remove from the wall, this is the one she chose.  One that so symbolically meant so much to me. 

You can call it a coincidence.  But, I’ve already told you I don’t believe in them.

I call it a sign.  Grandma made it to the other side and she is fine.  She is only a thought away and she is free from the shackles of this life that took hold of her.

I love you, Grandma.  Good Bye.

Why Breaking the Mold Worked for Me

The mold I am referring to is this:  You grow up in a small town, you go to school, you graduate and then you go away so you can have a successful life.

In Nebraska, this is a frightening statistic and, really, a tactical error.

Recently, my hometown hosted the 2011 Connecting Young Nebraskans Summit and later I was asked to speak a bit on why I live in Nebraska and my ideas to grow the state for the Nebraska Renaissance Project.  When sitting down to think about it, I couldn’t believe it, but for the first time in my life, I couldn’t think of any other place I’d rather be on a permanent basis. There are many places I have thought about living and I’ve tried to be anywhere else.  I love to travel, but I keep being pulled “home” to reside.

When I was downsized in 2009, I moved back to my hometown of West Point, pop. approx. 3660.  The cost of living seemed so much less expensive and it seemed like everyone I knew that lived there also got to spend more time with their families and actually enjoyed their lives. I spent a good deal of time traveling in my previous job, I was burned out, felt my work was meaningless and didn’t want to miss another minute with my then 5 and 2 year old. When I got back home, however, my options seemed as limited as I felt they would be when I was 18 years old.

At least, that is what my first impressions were. There was not full-time work that justified the cost of childcare, even though it was admittedly a third of what I used to spend. I no longer possessed the capital to purchase or start a business. So, I created my own flexible-schedule by working several part-time jobs instead. I dug my heels in, took on what work I could find and started connecting.

The most amazing thing started to happen as a result of my work in all these part-time places in a small town. Something I never experienced in structured networking groups I had belonged to in the past. Just by talking to people and letting them know that I had moved back and what type of work I was looking for, I started receiving phone calls to see if I was open to helping, consulting and coordinating. Almost as if people were trying to do what they could to keep me here.

I also learned to find the value in being informed and knowing who’s who in a small community. If I can’t help, I can give them the phone number, website, email address and maybe even the Twitter handle of at least one person who can.

You can only give and receive this kind of treatment in rural Nebraska.

I also have a vested interest in making where I live a cool place to live. 

And so two weeks ago, as I stood for a family photo with nearly 200 of my closest relatives. (Just a tiny 3 generation lunch!) I felt the awe of not only having that opportunity to be with these people, to enjoy all of our personalities, but to realize we are the offspring of some very successful farmers and cattle feeders, and later entrepreneurs in manufacturing and design. If everyone could have made it to the gathering, we may have outnumbered the population of the town we were in.

I considered what it would look like had most of us not left to urban areas of the state and out of state. Some of us have come back, but what would Snyder or Dodge, NE look like had we all (and generations of other large, catholic rural families) stayed there and had a vested interest in creating the community they wanted to live in? I’m guessing the post office and grocery stores wouldn’t be closing.

I think the main thing we that have returned have come to learn is, in rural communities you can have a big impact and an active role in creating the world in which you want to live in. You can have a voice and won’t get lost in the crowd unless you want to.

My ideas to grow this state are simply this: Mentor our youth, invest in and energize our emerging leaders, believe in the viability of our communities ourselves, and encourage proactive, creative and innovative thinking, and REAL civil discourse about our future. “This isn’t way we’ve done it before,” should not be in our vocabulary when we’re discussing our future.

Living in rural Nebraska has not limited my life.  In fact, my resume has grown and doubled in experiences since I’ve been here nearly 3 short years.  I’ve had the opportunity to do work I’m passionate about, and be involved in making a difference.  Things I had no idea were so important to me and have forever changed the course of my life. “Small town, small mind, small ideas”?  Not on your life. 

This is a Good Question

 

If you haven’t heard about Chris Guillebeau or the Art of Non-Conformity, click on the image above and take a look at his site. He is a writer, traveler and fighter of the status quo.

He had me at “challenging authority since 1978.”